Sleepless Nights

It's 3AM and I lie wide awake. I can't get these damned thoughts out of my head. I shift restlessly on my bed. Drat! It's not even my bed. Some family friend staying at our house has occupied my room. I hate giving up my room.

3:30 now. No signs of sleep approaching. I get up and head to the kitchen to get myself a drink of water. I look around myself as I slowly sip the water. I'm in no hurry to get back to bed.

Everything around me looks the same as it did years ago. And yet, so much has changed in the lives of the occupants since then. I'm overcome by nostalgia as I remember the happier times I've spent in this house. Although maybe, the happiness I think I felt is just a construct of my mind. What I am sure of is that my heart could not have been this heavy back then.

As I trudge back to the bed-that's-not-mine, I remember times when I was definitely happier, nay, extremely happy. The four years I spent at the insti with my friends were perhaps the happiest of my life. The friendships that you form here last forever, they said. I let out a small laugh of derision in my mind. Not so naive, indeed.

I'm really just trying to avoid the deep sadness that threatens to engulf me. I close my eyes and firmly push away all thoughts. Maybe dreamland will be a happier place...

Overcoming Fears

It's been long, too long, since I last wrote here.

It started simply from not having anything to write about. And then there was too much to write about, and I knew not how. Then there were stages where I did not have time, or simply forgot of my blog. But since the longest time now, I've been afraid.

When in school, I was often commended for my writing. I did not think I deserved all the praise I got, but I could not help feeling a sense of pride in all the essays and letters sent my way to proofread before the final submission. I knew I had near perfect grammar, a decent vocabulary, and that I wasn't entirely devoid of style.

Of course, this was more than 7 years ago. Since then, and especially of late, I've been exposed to some really good writing. By friends, acquaintances and strangers alike. Such admirable clarity of thought and expression, as to make me wonder if I could ever achieve half as much through my writing. And so I could not bring myself to write anymore.

Today, finally, I've plucked up the courage to get myself to sit down, and write. And I hope you won't see me next three years later with a post beginning with "It's been long, too long...".